Private Investigator on Resolving Marital Disputes

No relationship is perfect and much can be learned if one was open to resolving disputes in a timely manner. This article talks about how to resolve marital disputes.

Question: Why would a Private Investigator write an article with tips on how to resolve conflicts?

Answer: Because it is the right thing to do.

We live in a world where there is an ulterior motive to most things, thoughts and actions. This brief article has no self-serving motive behind it. I simply wish for more couples to attempt to work out their problems instead of throwing them away.

In a previous article I wrote about some practical methods you can try that might prevent your marriage from falling apart. Check that article out as well and maybe there is a morsel you can try in an attempt to resolve conflicts.

Why Conflicts Happen

Conflicts occur in a marriage when different communication styles get in the way of a meaningful conversation. Sometimes, what we want to say and what we do say are different. Also, we have to acknowledge too that what we speak is not heard in the way we intended.

Understanding that all sorts of people communicate differently should have us take a long hard look at what it is that we are saying — take ownership of our own words rather than criticizing the other person for what they "always" say.

Some factors as to why couples end up in disputes are:

  • Familial background -- how were you raised? Country, ethnicity, single parent household?

  • Communication styles -- who was your role models and how did they communicate? Were they harsh and aggressive?

  • How did you learn to resolve feelings of sadness or frustration as you were growing up? Did you give in, retaliate or give the silent treatment?

Our life experiences shape how we might communicate with our marriage mate.

An article on a Psychology Today blog states, in part:

"Couples with poor conflict resolution skills typically engage in Fight, Flight, or Freeze behaviors. They fight and stay mad, sometimes holding grudges for years. They flee and avoid important issues by sweeping them under the rug. Or, after endless arguments with no resolution in sight, they freeze emotionally and shut down. Someone who freezes in a relationship typically goes through the motions on the outside, but has stopped caring on the inside."

How do we correct this poor learned behavior? We learn to deal with the issue at hand rather than going for the persons proverbial jugular. No doubt we don't really want to emotionally gut our spouse, we probably are really hurt when we lash out, give the silent treatment or ignore things all together. Successful couples learn to forgive and forget, when and where they can and is appropriate.

Practical Steps To Making It Right

In this article it gives some practical steps to try when working at avoiding marital problems:

  • The next time a dispute arises, ask yourself: ‘What would it cost me to acknowledge my mate’s concerns? What have I done that contributed to this problem? What prevents me from apologizing for my mistakes?’

  • Over the coming weeks, notice how you speak to your spouse. If you are dismissive or say something demeaning, apologize immediately.

  • Make a list of the positive things that your mate has done for you and the good motives that could have prompted these actions.

“Look! How little a fire it takes to set so great a woodland on fire! Well, the tongue is a fire.”

How wise the above verse is that is found in the Bible. Learning to control, or even bite our tongue can have a measurably positive impact on our marital communication.

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