Marriage, the wedded bliss soon wears off and honeymooners can quickly escalate to bitter pills if something is not done at the first sign of a problem. Even if your problems have escalated to the point where you are considering separation or divorce, you have a chance to make new in-roads with these 3 suggestions.
1. Discuss Your Problems
May seem easier said than done, but different communication styles often put each other at opposite ends of the conversation.
Men and women think and communicate differently. According to John Gottman in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work we have an obligation to understand where our partner is coming from, before offering advice.
We need to practice empathetic listening; spelling out, in detail how we feel; and work at not assuming the negative. Let your partner talk and bite your tongue. Then, calmly offer your own viewpoint always with a positive spirit that understand where each other comes from.
2. Appreciate Each Other
Why not reflect on what the catalyst was that ignited your flame in the first place. Often, we find ourselves looking at the minutia rather than the bigger picture. Of course a laser beam is going to burn a hole through a steel plate, so try broadening your beam a bit so that you can reflect on why it all started in the first place.
Noticing and acknowledging your partner goes a long ways. Everyone wants to be thought of or recognized.
Have you tried asking how your partners day went and then offering encouraging remarks when they have done something good? You would be surprised how fast that will uplift their spirits and change the mood.
Appreciating each other can come in many other forms. Try sending a text through your day just to say how much you appreciated last nights dinner (whether you at in or dined out). Tell your mate that their hard work for the family does not go unnoticed and make them feel that they are valued.
Slip a note under the blankets if you leave earlier than them in the morning.
Bring home a small gift...flowers, card, favorite beverage -- something that says you are thinking of them.
Show honor to one another and take the initiative.
3. Acknowledge & Embrace Differences
You like to shop and he likes to go to car shows. Seemed all well and dandy when you were dating, but soon you forgot that you were a bit more amicable when love was in the air.
Differences can be substantial enough to warrant concern. But that is why you were dating in the first place, to get to know and differentiate serious differences from petty ones.
Differences, habits and traits call all be different, but we need to be mature enough to work with someone else whose different. Would you really have wanted to marry someone just like you. Likely not.
Be supportive, expand your view on differences and be realistic in your expectations of your mate. Look at life through their eyes and you just may see, learn and feel differently.
Why would a private investigator write about how to keep a marriage together? Yes, I profit on marriages that fall apart. Whether I am looking for hidden assets that would make the separation more equitable or I am documenting a cheating liar, I make money when you hire me during a divorce.
I wish I didn't. It is my hope that you will find something that will allow you to change something in yourself that just may open your partners eyes too. It is less than pleasant to go through a divorce and I truly wish that, if there is any way possible, you won't have to.